It’s hard to put into words how this feels. At first as my body transformed and created another compartment, I felt weird, strange and well- just weird. My former thoughts of pregnancy always revolved around the image of the huge belly that seems to have it’s own solar system of spectators revolving around it, not the beginning, or the middle. I thought, maybe I will have morning sickness and lose some weight- wouldn’t that be great? Well I didn’t have morning sickness and now is not the time to think about losing weight.

Now I feel as though I’ve walked onto a flat escalator that is 9 months long and at the end is a door way to another life. I can’t imagine, no matter how many people will tell me, what it’s going to be like. It’s the same feeling before a big trip to Europe or someplace- you just can’t imagine that it’s actually going to happen. And yet time passes by, and soon enough you reach the date and you get on the plane and hours later you are at your destination.

As I laid on the bed in the darkened room staring at the big screen ahead of me, Andy and I saw our baby for the first time. My first thought was- sure enough there is a baby in there. Then as we watched this little thing, 4 cm long move and wiggle as though it was an astronaut in my womb of outer space, it was amazing how suddenly easy it seemed to create life. The lady gushed over our baby I felt my first sense of motherly pride in this unborn baby. A strange feeling considering that I haven’t even done anything worthy yet to be called a good mother. Watching in awe glued to the screen, then looking at my gooey lower belly where the lady pressed her instrument, thinking that little thing is in there moving and grooving and I can’t even feel it. Protected inside of me I am playing host to this little being for the time being.  And still I wonder, with visual proof of our actions, what is it going to be like?