time creeping by at a snails space
“are you in there baby” I say to my stomach.
looking into the mirror it’s as though I’ve always had this tummy
I’m doubting that there is anything in there any more
waiting for the “quickening” like waiting for that package in the mail

I feel nothing
could I have re-absorbed the baby back into my system?

I peer into what will be the baby’s room,which is mostly empty and cold
and I think to myself, this can’t be real
this must be a game
I roll through names in my head and speak them aloud
and I think the same as above,
this can’t be real, this can’t be real-
as though I’m playing make believe

“kick once if you are in there” I say to my stomach

time has never felt so slow as it does now,
all the while people tell me corny things like
how quickly they grow up and cherish every moment
and I’m just not sure that’s the kind of person I will be
cheesy lines made for Hallmark and perfect cupcakes for parties
I will be just how I am-
my life will change- I know, I know- don’t tell me-
but I will not become someone else
I will be taking care of someone else.

a being I created from scratch! with the simplest of tools

what have I done?
what have we done?

I look down at my tummy, “Are you in there, baby? Kick once for yes, twice for no”.